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shiny objects

Sunday, December 10, 2006


Urine Luck
or
I'll Take My Chances With Oil Of Olay


A friend of mine recently divulged the dirty secret behind her excellent complection. You'll never guess what it is. Her own pee pee! I'm not kidding. And she absolutely swears by it.

Apparently, she picked up the trick from her granny, who (so I hear) has nary a wrinkle. (Whether or not that's because the old bat's extended stay at the state mental facility kept her from the light of day for 4 decades, I couldn't tell you. It's all speculation on my part.) Just pee in a cup, grab a cotton ball, and smear it on. But don't wash it off afterwards - just a brief rinse with water will do. It'll clear your acne, open your pores, and soften the skin.

I'm vain, but I'm not sure if I'm THAT vain.

This isn't the first time I've heard about the miraculous properties of urine. Apparently it cures cancer. My god, think of all the research dollars poured down the drain. Who would have known that consuming nothing but your own wastewater for forty days was the answer! Here's wikipedia's take: Urotherapy. Pretty cool quackery. Makes me wonder how desperate you have to be to drink your own piss.

If that's not your bag, mankind has found many uses for urine beyond the medicinal. Rotten.com provides a comprehensive list. Thrilling.

That's all for now. I gotta take a leak.


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