Sunday, May 30, 2004
By observing Zane, I've isolated several factors of his technique and started to adopt them - the way he pitches his balance, the order in which he applies his feet, his spontinaety, his focus. I watch carfully. I learn. I aquire. And wouldn't you know it, I'm getting better.
Before the commencement, Mrs. Bourgeoise pulled me aside and said that if any part of my outfit lit up, flashed, blinked, or made noise, I would be kicked out immediately. She viewed my ear gauges with particular suspicion. This of course prompted me to take one of them out and show her that the jewelry's enormity was a reflection of the piercing's size, not hidden technology. For good measure, I stuck a finger through my earlobe. Heh. If you can't beat them, gross them out.
And at least I got in my last words, while walking down the reception line to receive my diploma. To mr. Herreth, I said "There go the four worst years of my life! Keep up the good bullshit!" To Mr. Huff, I whispered "Thank god almighty it's over," to which he tersely agreed. Hah. Nothing like shaking the apple cart.
I must confess, gentle readers, I felt proud during the ceremony, despite myself. Catching the eye of a few people I knew amongst my class filled me with bittersweet, throat-choking emotion. We'd all come through a lot together. And there we were, assembled for a final time, on the verge of shattering into a thousand fragmented lives. We did it. We made it. It was over.
My family honored me most satisfactorally afterwards; I received many fine gifts including a cell phone, a watch, and an art book; they took me to lunch at Baba Yaga's, where I consumed my own weight in grilled tuna; mom bought me a pair of steel 1/2 inch flesh tunnels which i promptly inserted into my ears.
Man, you guys gotta see these flesh tunnels. I'll get a pic up soon as I'm able. THEY'RE HUGE! Soooo beautiful.
Friday, May 28, 2004
Grasp those stolen moments close. Stroke their hair. Drink deeply of them and fall asleep with a smile. Never apologize.
You'll never see these people again - says a voice in my head - why don't you skip and gambol for a change. And so, I do.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
The senior awards ceremony today was an utter waste of my time. Those bastards didn't even read ONE THIRD of the scholarships and awards i received this year. FUQTARDS! I can't help but assume that such an omission was the administrators' idea of punative action in regards to my showing up without the wig. Hmm. They are a pack of natty ass-hats. Very soon I shall leave this picky-dick down for better places, while they'll be stuck here for the rest of their malcontented, insignificant lives.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Poke me in the stomach once, shame on you. Poke me twice, shame on you. Poke me thrice, shame on you. . . .
Monday, May 24, 2004
On the other hand, I won't miss the rumor mill. Damned conservative, gossipy ninnies. Once I escape, I'll be free of my old reputation - which over time has run the gamut from genius writer, to uber-slut, to psychic vampire, to drug czarina, to closet dominatrix, to transvestite. Oh the rumors I've heard about myself . . . How does one generate so much infamy and still have time for class?! Yeesh!
That said, vanity will undoubtedly compell me to attend the ten year reunion so I can kick back, grin like the smug fuck I am, and spend an evening with former peers I never really knew or cared about in the first place.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
The obvious solution is to go naked. Problem solved.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
God bless stupidity. Where else would we find our entertainment?
My contemporaries frighten me.
Once I reach my goal diameter, I shall purchase a pair of polished ebony plugs, carved with miniscule details and inlayed with opal. *prances about excitedly* I am so lovely!
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Boy did I get beautiful for the big event. Around 6pm Saturday night, I drove over to Shadi's house and endured a few pre-prom pics at his father's insistance. From there, we hastened to the high school parking lot where the hired van was supposed to pick up the entire prom group consisting of 12 people. All went according to plan, until we realized that the van was missing a row of seats, therefore leaving us four spots short. Crap. *Insert panic attack* My dad argued with the driver for a while, and eventually got him to agree to bring an extra seat when he picked us up after dinner.
My group split into two companies - 8 went in the cripped van, and 4 in my father's car - and drove to Phil's house for group and individual photos. (I swear, I've never had to sit though so many photographs in my life as i did on this night.
From there, we went to Ephesus grill. Turns out I really like Turkish food. Even if the promised belly dancers never showed, I enjoyed the company and the ambiance.
Prom itself took place at Hotel Sofitel. They really went all out. From the decorations to the catered snacks, everything SCREAMED elegance. I could have done with a little less rap from the DJ, but I managed to rave a lot anyhow. I didn't make queen, but they did give me a consolation rose. Shadi and I worked the room, warmly receieving people we would probably never see again beyond high school. We danced like mad, got our photos professionally taken, basked in our popularity. At the stroke of midnight, my prom group and I straggled back to the van in search of late night entertainment . . .
After prom extraviganza (APE to the locals) turned out to be even more fun than the dance itself. I got my face painted, sucked marvelously at karaoke, saw a hypnotist act, played games, got some free stuff, raved, raved, raved some more, grew delerious, and eventually passed out.
I didn't get home until 7am Sunday morning. Bless my soul, i had a wonderous time!
Sunday, May 16, 2004
You are HEROIN.
What Drug Are You?
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http://www.dianastears.50megs.com/trashedface.jpg
Oh yes, my friends, it was indeed that good. And more, come to think of it. Bigger update on it later, when i'm feeling cognizant.
Friday, May 14, 2004
Who minced as he walked down the street.
He wore shoes of bright red,
And playfully said
"I may not be thtrong, but I'm thweet!"
(To be honest, a dirty old sod)
Who'd searched for a sign
Of the presence divine
Cried "I've just found Uranus, dear God!"
Go away, go away, go AWAY!
Nevertheless, I am looking forward to the grand event. I have a smashing date, my dress is sublime, I've been nominated for prom court, all my best friends are going to the dance with me . . . what else could a girl ask for?
Prom group: Mind the following
- we meet at KHS high rise parking lot at 6pm on saturday. If you are late, WE WILL LEAVE WITHOUT YOUR SORRY ASS!
- don't you dare bring substance to the dance
- if you get lucky, I don't want to hear about it.
- dance, for christsake ^_^
- don't forget to bring cash for dinnner
Peace. Feel free to call me (281-251-5488) or AIM me (ChildofMists) with your queries.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
*tears hair*
Fear not - it will very soon be on . . . . THE INTERNET! I'll link y'all up when it's ready.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Come on, guys . . . my story has gore in it. Lots of blood and guts!
If you kill half of yourself, and half again, and so on, you can die in slow motion for eternity. Maybe that's the secret to eternal life - give the cloaked creditor just enough to wet his scythe.
Mycote Meditations
I have seen hell nestled
Between the horrifying contors of
My own face. I have seen the electrons
Of my carpet dance away from me, peeling
Back layer
After layer,
In a dense cosmic swarm until I am
Suspended
In
Nothingness.
I have seen through pupils dilated wide enough for the truth to slip by unnoticed.
I have seen an hour cleave into
A thousand epochs, and each epoch into
A thousand eons, and each eon into
Countless galactic lifetimes
Which, during each,
a galaxy is birthed, nourished,
Assaulted, and
Extinguished.
But now I need your help, because
I can't recall -
Where I last saw my shoes.
-Bad- You're the exact opposite of what any guy
wants or needs, unless he happens to need a
quick lay. You're cruel. You toy with people.
You're probably a bitch, and i don't think i'd
like you if i met you. Oh go screw a random
male already.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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Sunday, May 09, 2004
I'm not quite ready to be friends with John yet. Wounds are too fresh. We're getting there. Boy my weekends are lonely without him . . .
Prom in Tminus 5 days. You've been warned.
I need to cut back on the clovies. My throat hurts.
Saturday, May 08, 2004
I saw her once sitting on a bench in front of the dollar theater. She clutched the headphones to her ears, bobbing along to secret music, silently mouthing cryptic lyrics with religious enthusiasm. Her eyes were rolled back in her head. Her lips sporadically bent into a childlike smile.
Where can I find a copy of that music?
But I'm better today. Earlier this afternoon, I forked over 30 bucks for a high-end salon hair cut, and am overjoyed with the results. Prom is exactly one week away. I can't hardly wait! After my haircutting adventure, I mozied over to the dollar store and cleaned them out of glowing/blinking/flashing light items. *sighs with pleasure* There are going to be SO many LED's on this one little blue-haired freak!
Now if only I could finish the Dante club before tuesday . . . . damned English class. I swear to god, i'm going to tie Mrs. Schnell down and make her eat an amalgam of silly-putty and wasabi.
Friday, May 07, 2004
But whose life is it?
I need to be jarred in a pleasant fashion, over and over again and again.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Now I know why time doesn't progress properly in my presence - my heart is a black hole.
Screw coffee spoons - I have measured out my life in splenda packets
I guess you can be too rich or too thin. A 55lb anorexic would spend her lottery jackpot on hospital bills.
Last night, I dreamed I worked at hooters and did so well there that I got promoted to stripper at a swinging nightclub. After a while, even that was beyond my talent, so I struck it rich as a porn legend. When I woke up, I was almost disappointed. To tell the truth, I'd rather be morally bankrupt than broke.
Would you call it poetry
If I put my prose
Into disjointed lines of dubious significance?
That's what I thought;
You once again
Give too much credit,
Put faith in my artistic liscence,
And let me lead you
Anywhere.
Was I supposed spin my feelings?
Was I supposed to show you Black Night and Winter Morning?
Did you expect some kind of spiritual shifting
From a mendicant like me?
That's what I thought;
You're still reading,
Looking for the point.
And the crux of it -
Can you call something a pointless excercise
If it purposefully asserts
Its lack of point?
God i'm tired and sore.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Dear god, I need to find someone irrational around this joint - or else, who's gonna play hero?
Fate loves me. I say this in the face of overwhelming evidence. For example, in the seventh grade, I once walked blindly into a pivotal math exam, haphazardly marked random answers on my scantron sheet, and made an 85. My teacher praised me for days; that was the highest test grade I'd ever made in his class. As a result, he passed me. I was not held back a year. I moved on to greater miracles.
This one time, I like, almost died. It was pretty cool. And then there was this other time where i was sure i was gonna die but didn't even come close. That one wasn't as good.
I'm told that time progresses differently in my company, that months pass like years and hours like seconds. Go figure.
I found a slip of paper under some garbage in my locker today. It said "I love you more than anything" in John's spidery scrawl. I don't remember when or why he might have put that in there, but i'm certain it was before the break up. If i had found those words several weeks ago, would I have sensed their emptiness?
Monday, May 03, 2004
The emotional shock has worn off - I can talk about this now. Last monday, John broke up with me over email. My initial reaction went something like this: "WHAT A FREAKING PUSS!" Both outrage and bereavment have subsided, allowing rationality to come into the forefront. I miss him, it's true. Yet I must also face that the past 2 months of our relationship had been severely lacking. Things were just falling apart . . .
I long for those endless summer days of yesteryear. We were immortal. The future held certainty as we carved the vessels of our future, hand in hand, and launched forth into the vast possibility of youth.
But it was not to be. And I must admit - my heart has been elsewhere for some time, even as my body remained at his side. The time to move on has come. I only hope it is not too late.
As a result, I'm taking Shadi to prom. More on that later.
