Monday, May 14, 2007
or
Unbeweaveable
Thank god I didn't give up trolling the bowels of the internet for higher intellectual persuits on new years, as I briefely considered. Otherwise, I would have missed Samwell's internet video debut. I would have been mortified to be the last on the block to catch this one.
Ladies and gentle readers, I submit for your entertainment, Samwell's first single, a viral classic before its time, "What What (In The Butt)."
Lord knows my gentle readers love a dose of olde fashioned homo with their chocolate starfish . . . ugh, er, mousse, or . . . long john? Um, brioche? Damnit, now everything sounds faggoty.
Fucking queers. Why do they have to take all the good music video ideas first?
In other, non-anal news, I currently have long hair. Most of it isn't mine. In the spirit of costumage, I applied a goodly ammount of hair weave to my scalp in hopes of gaining waist-length platinum strands. You know, to look like Barbie. For this doll fetish party I went to. To great effect. I include the following photograph, during which I was not only smashed, but trying to talk to the cameraman, when he closed the shutter:
I bought the hair and the glue at a "ghetto ass" beauty supply store. About sixty bucks. The boy and I spent an hour and a half gluing it in. Apparently the effect lasts a week or so. I'm on day 5 and about to go to work. As long as one doesn't wash her hair, it'll stay, I'm told. About another day or so is all I can forsee going without shampoo, baby powder be damned. I wonder if I can reuse the hair . . .
Those interested in the technique should consult this page. It's really not hard. If I can do it, any crack whore can do it.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
or
Eye In The Ointment
I wasn't until after I'd sent the news to a dozen or so online pals that all implications of the phrase "my kitty has herpes!" became apparent to me. I must really be concerned for my cat's health. Otherwise a saucy slutten like myself would have conceived of the phrase as a double entendre before anyone even received it.
*sigh* Poor kitty.
Actually, as of today, it's kitties. Plural. As I have two.
What, you hadn't heard? Oh yeah, that's right. I'm a neglectful-ass whoremongering authoress. And stuff. Ok, here's the straight dope on the twin kitties.
About two weeks ago, I couldn't stand the loneliness any more. I went all the way to Katy to visit the Citizens for Animal Protection shelter so I could pick myself up a new pal. May I say that their adoption procedure is probably the most irritating and involved I have ever witnessed? In the spirit of finding an appropriate and loving environment for the animals, they almost certainly screw a good number of pets out of a new home. It took over 3 days and a tank of gas to get my new friend. And his sister. Yeah. They were having a two-fer-one deal, and I can never say no to a bargain.
Plus, they look so cute together. They're litter mates. Couldn't split them up, even though they're adults now. I mean, they came from the same household and lived in the same cage at the shelter. They really love each other. I named the boy Aniki and the girl Aurora.
Arturo wasn't sure about having two cats at first, but the little fuckers have really grown on him. This pleases me, as we're all crammed into a two room apartment.
So I brought the kitties home and all was well. For a few days. Then I noticed Aurora's eye was swollen nearly shut. A trip to the vet revealed . . . get ready for it . . . occular herpes. Ouch. True to form, my first question to the vet was whether or not I could contract herpes from the animals, for I remembered touching them many many times without washing my hands afterwards. The vet assured me that I could not. A hundred smackers later, she sent me home with a very irritable Aurora(she wasn't too keen on the themometer in her ass), some ointment, a bottle of liquid antibiotics, and a bottle of gel.
Ever tried to give oral antibiotics to a cat after smearing petrolium based ointment in her eyes? My hands are in absolute tatters. A veritable sive.
Then Aniki got the same thing. Miserable herpid cat times two. They didn't have a pair of eyes between the two of 'em. They're starting to get better, but I can tell this is going to be a long road.
