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shiny objects

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


It was just another ashen February Monday. Another pearl in the dull strand of late Missouri winter. A good day, all told, to nurse a cup of Earl Grey in the library and ponder the meaning of strife.

But no, such elitist, pseudo-intellectual comforts were not to be mine today. Ohhh no. Instead, I spent a good four hours, off and on, in the Wash U health center.

The older I get, the more convinced I grow that the medical community delights in subtle humiliation of its patrons. And all in the name of "wellness," whatever that means. "Pee in this cup," says Nurse Perky, "but first, you must scrub your womanhood with a towelette saturated with liquid pain. When you're done with that, head over to the lab so we can siphon out some of your life-blood for our collection. Hell, as long as the tourniquette is on, let's get a few extra vials for my Countess Bathory fan club. Here's 11 daily medications that serve no purpose but to cancel out the side effects of one another. See these big green ones? Those, you have to shove up your ass."

Well, not really. But something like that.


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