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shiny objects

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


So apparently, I have an arch nemesis. I say apparently, because I was completely oblivious to the fact until a good friend kindly mentioned it while intoxicated. This divulgence surprised me because the female in question - we shall call her Creemi L'amour - is his current love interest.

Apparently, without even interacting with her for a cumulative 20 minutes, I have caused dear Creemi much psychological and emotional turmoil. My main offenses consist of the following:

1. Approximately eight (8) months ago, during freshman move-in day, my father backed his van into the L'amour family's car. I was not at the wheel, nor did I have any particular role in the incident. In fact, the entire event was so anticlamactic that it has since evaporated from my memory.

Nevertheless, the crushing emotional pain that Creemi experienced while witnessing the denting of her daddy's SUV was almost too much to bear. She sought the only coping mechanism that her limited resources had to offer. She sowed the seeds of enmity. In Creemi's own words (according through an inebriated and biased second-hand source): "She is the one with the blue hair. I will not forget this day."

Apparently Creemi L'amour's family is very close-knit. Creemi's suitor says that they believe when one member transgresses, the others also hold responsibility. I take this to mean that she is part of a hive mind. Perhaps a worker drone.

2. Approximately seven (7) months ago, I sat several feet away from Creemi L'amour while dining at Center Court Cafeteria. After discovering that her food contained calories, she occupied herself by toying vigorously with saltshakers and flatware. Eventually, Creemi knocked [ITEM] over, shattering it.

"I love playing with things in restraunts," she cooed, attempting to break the tension.

"Is that because they aren't yours?" came my reply.

Apparently, such stringent scrutiny struck the streak of strife still stewing in her psyche. She's hated me ever since.




Because she knows that I was absolutely right.


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