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shiny objects

Sunday, May 22, 2005


It's been a little over a week since I watched Alan drive away, taking my capacity for joy along with him. Ever since then, I've distracted myself with work and hanging out with what few friends I can find. Fucking summer break.

I hate summer. I always have. There's never anything to do but grow wild or lazy. Television. Camp. Swim. Bah. I'll have none of it.

Take me back to academia. Provide me with structure. Give me some fucking PURPOSE! Bring my friends and lover back, goddamnit! THIS is supposed to be relaxing? I could have either returned to the discord from which Wash U delivered me and watched myself go crazy, or I could have stayed in St. Louis without cushion or quarter and attempted to forge myself a living. Not much of a choice.

I suppose one good thing about all this work is that I have quite a picture of the "real world" (i.e. how one must live without marketable higher education). How people - like my coworkers - manage to surviv like this day-in and day-out for years is beyond me. I don't want to live like this for another two weeks! Best motivation to stay in school that I've ever found.


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