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shiny objects

Friday, July 22, 2005


"Hey Larkin, after your shift, the five-oh wants to talk to you," says my boss. Ordinarily, his words would cause me to panic and start calling-up alibis, but not today. No, this time I'm on the other side of the law.

Yesterday, I removed my first weirdo from the library. Towards the end of my shift, a woman came into the arc and told me that there was a man eating lunch at the microfilm machines. She had mentioned to him that eating wasn't allowed in the library, but he wouldn't listen. Since I am an employee, she asked me to go out there and enforce the eating rules.

I expected to find a snotty teenager sneaking candy bars out of his back pack. Instead, I found a tall black man, wearing a helmet, with his shirt turned backwards, eating corn-dog after corn-dog from a white paper sack. When I politely informed him about the eating rules, he flew off the handle. "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I'M A GROWN MAN! I don't necessarily have a problem with YOU, girl. But I have a problem with THAT WOMAN OVER THERE (pointing to the woman who told me that he was out there).

Without hesitation, I called the cops. Even after they had cuffed him, he wouldn't stop kicking and shouting. The cops eventually dragged him out, and asked me for a statement.

So, long story short, as soon as I get off work, I have to call up Wash U police department and file a police report.


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