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shiny objects

Friday, July 29, 2005


Well, today's the day I'm getting kicked out of my summer place. Maybe. Probably. You see, gentle readers, the problem begins with my electric window fan. I forgot to turn it off when I left for work this morning. This, according to code 9 section C2 of the Law of Old Man Landlord, is a SIN.

I know what you're thinking. "You silly woman, he wouldn't kick you out for such a simple misstep." But wait, there's more! There's FOOD in my trash. Apple cores, banana peels, a yogurt cup or two, a take-out container. And when the old man comes in to turn off the fan (as he feels it is his right to do), he will see the food remains and boil with anger. Why? Because he's anal retentive. He has forbidden me eight or nine times to eat in my room, and I brazenly continue.

And then, gentle readers, he will see the cup and spoon I used to make oatmeal this morning. HIS cup and spoon. Still dirty with the oatmeal made in my CONTRABAND MICROWAVE! This is not just slovenly behavior; this is an INSULT TO HIS VERY WAY OF LIFE!

I've tested his patience often enough. He's threatened removal. This will do it, I am certain.

Moving won't be easy. Finding a place to sleep is the easy part. I have enough friends with couches. However, I'll have to find a place to store my stuff until the end of August.

The worst part is, he won't give me my deposit back. All because I forgot to turn off the fan.


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