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shiny objects

Monday, August 15, 2005


This post goes out to all my international readers. How do I know I have 'em? See, when I click on my hit counter, I can view this little map with multi-colored dots on it - dots that tell me each visitor's city and country of origin. Zounds!

Yes, thanks to the magic of the internet, I can indulge my vanity in ways that previous generations could only dream about. Now there's modern technology!

But as I was saying, here's a "shout out" to the rest of the world, in no particular order. Here's to Valby, Denmark, birthplace of the sugar cookie. A toast to Epe and Hessen - my two favorite cities in Germany, home to some of the finest fire hydrants and power lines (respectively) in all of Europe. Best wishes to my readers in Namerikawa, Japan, where there's a maiden behind every cherry tree. And also to Buenos Aires, Argentina, where there's a wrathful father behind every maiden.

Next, I want to thank the citizens of Camberwell, Australia for their generous hospitality on my last ambassadorial visit. Sorry about the killer bees. (How was I to know that Mr. buzz and his mate had decided to tag along in my breast pocket?) And I mustn't forget Edinburgh, where, as they say, moore is less. Hah. I made a funny. Now that I think of it, if anyone in the UK happens to drop by Langley, ask Fiona the Stripper why oh why hasn't she called, after all the nights we shared behind the privet hedge in St. Mark's Park, please oh PLEASE dear GOD don't let the magic end. *Ahem*

A dear greeting as well to Montigny-ls-Cormeilles in Ile-de-France, undisputed champion from 1968 to 1984 of Awkward Hyphenated Geographic Location Olympics. And last, but not least, many sloppy, drunken kisses to my readers up north in Calgary, Ottawa, Montreal, and TORONTO! Watch the eyeliner, babe. Ooooh yeah.



DISCLAIMER: if I have posted false information about your home town, suck it up and don't take it so fucking personally. It's a joke. Except for the fact that I really do have international readers. I'm just that cool. Yeah. Whatever, I'm sick of explaining myself.


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