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shiny objects

Sunday, August 14, 2005


Today I spotted a home-made flier that read something like this:

NEED SOME HELP WITH:

-Pet care?
(sitting, walking, baths, etc.)

-Yard work?
(watering, mowing, weeding, etc.)

-Around the house?
(heavy lifting, house sitting, minor repairs, etc.)

Call Eddy Speckle at 314-555-1234!
2005 Graduate of Clayton High School
Lived in Clayton for all 18 years of life
(References Available Upon Request)


Call him, suggested my devious side. Call him up. Why, for five dollars an hour, you could have the lad mixing margaritas for you on the back porch while he pretends to laugh at your jokes. Hell, for seven an hour, you could probably call him "Cockfoster" or "for the entire afternoon. Or maybe you could hire him for a party and make him dance on command. "YOU THERE, Boy! SHIMMY, I say!"

But no, no, I couldn't.

Yes you coooould

No.

YES. Just think: you could hire him to cut your food into bite-sized pieces and FEED it to you! Think of the power, Larkin. The POWER.

Nonsense! He wouldn't do something mad like that.

Everyone has a price.

A price to recite poetry on cue?

Yes.

Fix me sandwiches? Get me a beer?

YES. HE WHO HAS THE GOLD, MAKES THE RULES!

At last, I have decided to hire him to move my fridge for me. *steeples fingers* Eeeexcellent.


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