Monday, November 21, 2005

AHEM. Ok. Yeah, I'm still alive. What a fortnight, eh? How'd my public live without me?

Don't ask me where I've been. You don't want to know.

Well, if you really want to know, I got Shanghaied by a band of black jewish lesbian feminists. Before I knew what had happened, they had me chained to the back seat of their Volkswagon bus.

The first three days were hell. No food, no water, no way to sit down. I survived on vegan granola and biodegradable tampon wrappers. In the middle of the third night, I attempted to escape by chewing off my own hand. Unfortunately, I couldn't really see what I was doing. In the process, I managed to gnaw through the unbleached free-trade hemp rope around my wrists.

I couldn't just leave. When they woke up to do the morning sage smudge and pube scratch, they'd notice I was gone. They'd come after me. If I was going to escape, I'd have to escape once and for all.

So I slipped fifty hits of acid into the communal jug of organic apple juice. And, wee devil that I am, stayed around to watch the fun. When they formed a circle dance and started hooping like zebras, I decided that they were harmless. This time around, they thought I was a corporal manifestation of the Goddess. Maybe it's the blue hair. I dunno.

It was kind of cool, I guess.

But after a week and a half of flower wreaths and magic apple juice, I started to get bored. I mean, don't get me wrong - I love tempeh-on-a-stick. Loquacia's poetry can NOT be beat (you tell them, SISTAHHH). And by god if I didn't make some really cool art with my menstrual blood. But, you know, a girl's gotta keep on moving. That, and I really wanted to shave my pits.

So what have you been up to for two weeks?

shiny objects