Just Say That You Love Me
or
I'd Slap You, But You'd Fucking Love It, Wouldn't You, Sicko?
Imagine a realm beyond time, beyond distance, and beyond social boundries; a realm where any fuckwit with a keyword can find your listing and spend all afternoon jacking-off to pictures of your cat. A realm of magic and dreams. And attention sluts. And me.
Welcome, gentle readers, to Myspace - pulsating orface of the internet. Watch your head. Atta girl.
So, yeah. These random men keep sending affectionate notes to my Myspace Message Center. Don't worry mom. They aren't THAT gross. Most of them are actually rather pathetic.
Take "Tom" for example:
My names (sic) Tom. I write screenplays, I study acting (sic). I saw your pic in locals and thought you were very pretty. SO hI (sick)
To which I replied:
Nice to meet you Tom. I write poetry. I study my navel.
Thanks for the compliment. I would rather be told that I'm beautiful than told that I'm intelligent; my wit has never been a subject of debate.
Show me something you've written. I'd like that. Especially if it's vulgar.
P.S. PSYCH!
Or how about "Dick?"
Message 1: I have a thing for girls who aren't picky. Especially the gin drinking kind.
Message 2: I didn't mean for that message to come off as letcherous as it probably did.
Are you the cute girl with blue hair I see lingering outside Olin Library occasionally around noon?
And my reply . . .
The girl outside of Olin? Yes and no. I haven't completed my M to F transformation yet.
But don't let that stop you, tiger. We can just pretend that "It" is a really big clit ;) <3 <3 <3
Not to mention "Harry" . . .
Hello. I a 27 year old submissive looking for a local mistress to beat the shit out of me. My interests include suffocation, paddling, rubber, water sports (Editor's note: that's pee-pee sex, kids. Don't try it at home. God forbid you might like it. Ugh!), brest (sic) worship, foot worship, humiliation, and cross dressing. I only have one pic in my profile, but if you want more, you can just ask me for them. (Editor's note: the pic was taken at an apalling angle and very blurry - but not so blurry that I found myself intrigued by the slim possibility of a handsome face.)
I'm very good at domestic chorse (sic) and would love to be your bitch, if only for a night. Let me know if you want more pics of me in an outfit.
I couldn't help myself. Devil take me . . .
Dear Harry,
You've got it all wrong. I'm not a dominatrix! I'm only 16. Didn't you read my profile? Anyhow, I don't think we would get along. I'm not a big fan of water sports because I broke my nose while waterskiing once. I don't really need any more bitches in my life, anyway. My mom is all the bitch I need!
P.S. can you send me more picks?
He never did.
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