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shiny objects

Monday, January 30, 2006


Everything Happens For a Reason
or
The Physics of Psychology


I won't name names, gentle readers, but I will bitch and moan about certain individuals. Especially when they ruin my outfit in the middle of the day.

You know who you are, girl who greets everyone by leaping on them. YES, it was YOU who spoiled my black lycra, satin ribbons, and sterling disposition. You crept up behind me in the food court and hurled your body at mine. You spilled my boiling hot tea. Everywhere. On all of us, the table, Adam's lunch, my coat, the carpet, EVERYTHING. And it burned! It was so hot!

What you don't know was that I heard you coming. Adam whispered "She's coming," (we had been talking about your inappropriate conduct) and in a trice, I heard your small feet smacking the short-nap carpet. I knew you would leap on me - you always do. The tea. I should put down my tea, I thought.

But no. If I didn't put it down, perhaps you would spill it and learn your lesson. I would suffer a little, as would Adam and several other bystanders. But that didn't matter. You would be the one that made us suffer. You would spill the tea. You would remember our faces as we were burned. You would fucking LEARN SOMETHING for once because public humiliation is the only method that sticks with you long enough to do some good.

So I held the tea. And waited. And you leapt on me, spilling the tea as I had predicted. And after I had cleaned the liquid from my body, I chewed you out in front of everyone.

And maybe now you'll stop.


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