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shiny objects

Thursday, February 16, 2006


Addled
or
Prozac Nation? Bah.


Is your child listless? Soporific? A lazy-no-good-son-of-a-bitch?

WELL FRET NO MORE! A new pharmaceutical has come to town!

*Pied-piper-esque figure wearing an orange suit with a big "A" on the chest comes frolicking by, playing his flute. A crowd of small children follow after him screaming with joy, as if chasing an ice-cream truck*

Why are these kids so energetic? Because they're . . .
. . . . . . . . ADDLED for ADDERALL!


*cartoon molecule bumbles onscreen*
"Heeyyy, kids. I'm Mr. Dopamine! I'm going to f**k around with your striatum and then you and I can do some math homework!"

(children) "YAY!!! MATH!!!"

(Mr. Dopamine) "And then we can clean the whole goddamn house!"

(children) "YAY!"

(announcer, becoming more agitated) ADDERALL - aka mixed amphetamine salts - is the only stimulant proven to both get kids' asses off the couch and shut them the f**k up.

Caffeine? Forgetabout it.

Ritalin? RITAL-OUT!

Get addled for Adderall today!


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