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shiny objects

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


One Flu Over The Cukoo's Nest
or
Aversion Served Daily


I've been struck down, gentle readers, by a mere virus. Influenza, I believe. Between the raging fever, deep-lung productive cough, and unpleasant body aches, I find myself unwilling to exert myself in the slightest.

Fortunately for all of you, I'm obsessed with my blog. For your viewing pleasure, I give you the top five reasons why I'm scared of morbidly obese people.


  1. The motherfucking fat virus. Great. A communicable disease that makes you FAT. Just one more thing to keep me awake at night. AIDS, cancer, and fat, oh my! AIDS, cancer, and fat, oh my! Say it with me . . .

  2. Stomach stapling. I understand that it's some people's only hope of losing the weight, but . . . I dunno. There's something deeply disturbing about a morbidly obese person vomiting every time they try to stuff themselves post-surgery.

  3. Folds. (Potentially) smegma-ridden folds. 'Nuff said.

  4. This photo

  5. Big-Beautiful-Women and Big-Handsome-Men fetishes. Ugh. I guess everyone is entitled to their preferences, but come on. That's just gross, in my opinion. Unnatural. It doesn't make sense on an aesthetic level. It doesn't even make sense on a primal level. There is nothing about an obese body that signals proper conditions for effective mating. Ugh. Morbidly obese people are not beautiful - they're just really really unhealthy.



There. That oughta jostle some controversy out of you guys.


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