Sunday, March 12, 2006

Someone Ought To Write That Down
or
Shut. UP. You Dumb BITCH.

Look, it's not farging Hemmingway, but have to post SOMETHING, gentle readers. I really have been neglecting you, haven't I? The shame nearly consumes me. I most humbly beg your pardon.

Well, now that that's over with, I present to you a fresh selection of random quotes.

"It's hard to be coy when you're naked."

"Which is it? 'Jam it up your anuses' or 'Jam it up your ani'? No wait, I've got it: 'Jam it up your respective anuses."

"You're one sexy chicken. I'd like to uh, you know. Touch your tail."

Enough of that. In other news, I've been practicing throat singing. You see, gentle readers, Kay suddenly picked up an interest in it, and since I am not to be outdone, I decided to pick it up as well. Practice is going splendidly. Once I managed my first thin, beginner's harmonic, I couldn't stop.

I've been crooning and keening obsessively for about 24 hours straight. All through the night, in fact - much to the chagrin of my neighbors. Somewhere around 3.39AM this morning, I figured out how to produce three tones at once using my throat, tongue, and mouth. All I had to do was position them in a particular way and keen really loud at the upper end of my range. I didn't want to lose the trick, so I practiced it for about 45 minutes straight, sliding up and down to find the perfect shriek. Great fun. I found a few frequencies that almost split my head. Harmonics that would make Mariah Carey blush. Screams that made the windows resonate in sympathy. Palatial trills that

Not everyone was so thrilled with my discovery. At about 4.17AM, my next door neighbor descended into his living-room, banged on our mutual wall, and . . . well, the rest is history.

shiny objects