Service With A Donut Smile
or
Eat My Roll
During a routine internet search (don't even ask which keywords I used) I stumbled across a directory of Escorts in the U.K. One lady's website in particular sticks in my memory. For your pleasure, an excerpt from www.debbiedoesoral.com -
My specialties include "The massage that goes too far", "Who's the teacher to day (you or me?)", "Bossy bitch", "Auntie, what's that?" and anything with me wearing my pantyhose.
I can just picture some red-faced British buisness man, in an attempt to recapture those tender naptime rub-downs in the nursery, adopting an oversize school uniform and strained falsetto and sitting down on the old bird's lap. We humans are very strange beasts.
Not that my tastes are any less comic, mind you, though I'd much rather go for a round of "Bad kitties get the rolled-up newspaper!" With me as the newspaper.
Speaking of rolled . . . .
Larkin's "Love You Long Time" Spring Rolls
(makes 8)
You'll need:
- 12 dried rice wrappers (look in the international section)
- 6oz of firm - not silken - tofu
- 1 c of bean sprouts
- a bundle of fresh cilantro
- 4oz of dry rice stick noodles
- 2 cloves of garlic
- dried Thai or Chinese chili peppers, whole
- Blended sesame oil
- a can of beer
- rice vinegar
- soy sauce
Slice tofu into 1/2" thick slabs. Pat dry with paper towels as much as possible. Put tofu in large ziploc bag with enough beer to cover the pieces. Add about 1tbsp of soy sauce, 1 tsp of sesame oil, and a little splash of vinegar. Allow to marinate in fridge 20 min to 1 hour. Pan fry tofu slabs with whole garlic cloves and whole peppers, occasionally pouring a little of the marinade mixture over them. Cook until deep golden brown on each side. Set aside to cool. When cool, slice tofu into pencil thin strips, divide into 8 piles.
Soak rice noodles in hot water (not boiling) 3-5 minutes, until al dente. Drain, rinse with cold water, drain again. Pat noodles dry with paper towels. Divide into 8 piles and set aside.
Rinse bean sprouts and pat dry. Break into smaller pieces if desired. Divide into 8 piles and set aside.
Rinse cilantro. De-stem and coarsely chop about 1/4c leaves. Set aside.
Fill bowl large enough to hold rice wrappers with cool water. Drop the wrappers into the water one by one, making sure each one is covered in water before adding the next. Soak until clear and rubbery. Remove all skins at once and set on damp paper towel on plate. Cover with another damp towel.
Place one rice wrapper (gently!) on a spare plate, and recover remaining wrappers with damp paper towel. Lay some rice noodles in the center of the free wrapper (1/2 of one of the 8 piles), followed by 1 pile of sprouts, 1 pile of tofu, a pinch of cilantro, and the other half of the noodle pile. Wrap burrito style, folding 2 sides over, then rolling the bundle over until closed. Repeat with remaining wrappers and piles of filling. The extra wrappers are in case some of them rip or have a hole or something.
Serve with store bought peanut sauce, or make your own:
Peanut Sauce
- half a cup of hoisin sauce
- 1 tsp of oil
- 2 cloves of garlic (finely chopped)
- 1 tbsp of white or rice vinegar
- 1 tbsp of water
- 1 tbsp of crunchy natural peanut butter
- 1 tsp of salt
- 1 tsp of sugar
- 1 tsp of corn starch
- chili sauce to taste
Combine hoisin sauce, peanut butter, vinegar, water, salt, sugar, corn starch, and chili sauce in a bowl. Mix them well. Put a sauce pan on medium heat for about 1 minute. Pour in 1 tsp of oil and chopped garlic. Sautee the garlic until it has a light golden color, then add the mixture. Stir constantly until the sauce comes to a boil. Remove from heat.
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