A "Bambi" By Any Other Name
or
Titty Bar Taxonomy
Honestly, gentle readers, you can't beat the thrill of a good moniker - whether it's yours or not. Taught names just aren't cool any more. Think of the greats. Double-oh-seven. Blackbeard. P. Diddy. JLo.
That's why I love strip clubs (well, one of the reasons); the girls get to pick their own stage names. You can learn a lot about a gal by her choice of stage name. Most stick to what they know - names that, like their tits, seem false and overtly sexual. Others opt for personas. And a rare few actually make a pun out of it. Seeing as I go to a strip club just about every weekend, I've compiled quite a list of aliases, which I now present to you for your reading pleasure.
Mircette - I had the opportunity to talk to her for a while, and to be sure, she's a clever gal. She adopted the name of her favorite birth control. I like a subtle pun.
Star - Must have something to do with the comet tattooed on her bikini line.
Malibu - Got the whole hawaiian thang goin' on. Flower behind the ear and whatnot.
Bambi Butterfield - not a stripper (yet), but rather the name of a girl in my third grade class. Wow. I wonder if she'll go into the family business.
Simone - Funny story about this one. I might have already written it, but here goes. She gave me the lapdance of a lifetime and smelled like heaven on earth, although I couldn't quite place the perfume. Not three days later, my boyfriend's grandparents gave me an easter gift of Victoria's Secret apple scented lotion. The minute I put some on, I couldn't help but smile. I'd recognize that scent anywhere.
Jedi - Waaayyy too I-spend-15-hours-a-day-in-a-STARWARS-Web-Forum to be even remotely sexy. I bet she picks her teeth with a warcraft figurine.
Fire - unimaginative and stupid. If flame imagery is your bag, why not Blaze? Or Ember? Pyro? That's right. I forgot. She's only got a 4th grade education.
Saber - Nothing says "Pimpled, dimpled, D and D lovin' social outcast" like a stage name that doubles as a weapon for your Level 7 Barbarian.
Destiny, Diamond, Misty, Amber, Lexus, Tiffany, Kiki, etc. - come on, gals. Be original!
Britney - there's something about this name that implies "Daddy's little princess." Or maybe "Will give head for tennis bracelet."
Trinity - Don't. Even. Ugh.
Fantasia, Sensation, Paradise, Flawless - I happen to be a fan of these. They're rediculous and over the top, so you don't feel bad about fantasizing about the poor girl. Except for Flawless. Come on, who are you kidding, baby? You've had 3 kids.
Rain, Storm, Sky, Summer, Winter, Snow - holy shit! Better check the weather. Heavy grinding with a chance of showers.
Scarlet - (the harlot) absolutely perfect. Very cool gal. Probably the most awesome, intelligent, sexy stripper out there. Great sense of humor. A redhead, of course.
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