A Cake Too Far
or
That's Not A Vagina, Mate. THIS Is A Vagina!
Some of my more observative readers have noticed that my auction no longer exists. It's over. And I'm sad to announce that there is no winner, because ebay removed the listing prematurely. Apparently, the item violated Ebay's selling policies. Whoops. I broke a rule. Darn those things.
Hey, look! A china shop! *paw and snort*
But seriously, ladies, you need to do something about those protruding inner labia, because no man short of an overweight, blind hermaphrodite is going to want to plunge anything into that roast beef. Seriously.
According to the Vagina Institute:
The nature of vaginas, not all vaginas are created equal. With data analysis, we have been able to discover many interesting things related to the female reproductive organ.
The site seems to exist solely for the purpose of amplifying women's insecurity about their genitals. Which I think is a good thing. Self-acceptance is the first step down the slippery slope to obsolescence. None of us are getting any younger, after all.
They've taken some opinions from the menfolk - "What's good for the gander ... She can't be all bitchin' at me just 'cause she's got a garbage bag for a vagina. I mean, I'm only one soup-can thick. She's got to help out a little too."
As well as a few comments from the offending sex - "I don't like my vagina. It didn't bother me to much before, but now that I have to worry about other people seeing it, it’s another thing I have to be self-conscious about. Other people's reactions really influence what I think, which explains why it didn't bother me before but now it does. The lips are too big and floppy."
Oh my god. Is my pussy too big? Is it ugly? How would I even know?
Luckily, there's a whole sidebar of links devoted to such research. Aren't you curious what "interesting things" they found?
Vaginal appearance is extremely important in our culture. To be a woman, means that you should have beauty in shape and form. This includes the shape and form of your most intimate body part as it is the epiphany of your femininity. The ideal beauty for female genitalia is based on having perfectly developed inner vaginal lips or labia minora that are smoothed and even with symmetric length. The inner vaginal lips should “not protrude” past the outer lips and should have a light color tone towards pink or different shades based on your ethnicity.
The outer lips or labia majora should be full and pouty; both the right and left outer lips should be the same size with the same shape. This is what defines the overall shape of your genitalia. The color of the outer lips should be about the same color tone as the rest of your body with slight shade differences. The hood of the clitoris should be small and just cover the clitoris without excessive skin. The mons pubis should be well placed with an overall nice shape to it. Nothing sagging or drooping as that would make it unattractive. . . .
When the inner lips protrude past the outer lips, they look unappealing. As most people like to look at a neat and tidy vaginas. They represent the ideal standard and have a feminine appeal to them . . .
. . . Some vaginas or female genitals even have a look like they have teeth. This when seen by an intimate partner can be quite frightening and more so if the lights are dim and shadows are appearing around the teeth like lips. Part of the fear given through myth is that a vagina like this will bite his manhood off. However, reality is that your partner might think that you are abnormal or have some disease, which caused your vaginal lips to take on a deformed look.
And let us not forget: "The appearance of female genitalia is extremely important in our society. In essence, to have an ugly vagina is almost the same as being an outcast."
Ouch.
And then they try to sell you a subscription to an online book about "a natural way to improve the aesthetics and beauty of your vagina, a natural alternative to surgical enhancement."
Damnit. In truth, surgery is probably the only way to go.
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