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shiny objects

Sunday, September 10, 2006


Over The Counter
or
That's A Selling Point?


They call it "Airborne Formula." Supposedly, it cures colds faster than blank cures blank and, get this, was invented by a schoolteacher. A second grade schoolteacher. I know, because the bottle says so in big bold letters. As does the website.

Honestly, I'm thrilled. Fuck modern pharmaceuticals. I want a cold pill created by a grey-templed matron who remembers the hand motions that accompany "Little Bunny Foo Foo" with greater accuracy than her own phone number.

Well, wouldn't you know it - I fall ill as can be, and Zack's got a little tube of the stuff in the glove compartment of his Mirage. They're effervescent tablets. At the first sign of a cold, you're supposed to drop them in a small amount of water and drink the resulting murky, piss-colored concoction.

The ones that I've got are "Zesty Orange" flavor, which is French for "spoiled wine-cooler." They also come in Lemon-Lime, Grapefruit, and Dry-heaved Bile flavors so you can mix it up now and again.

At this point I'm willing to try anything. I've taken 3 of them so far today, and no sign that they're helping yet. At least I've ingested my daily recommended dose of vitamin C - 48 times over, in fact. Cheers.


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