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shiny objects

Sunday, December 17, 2006


Wants and Needs
or
The Meaning of Christmas


You know, the holiday season is one of the few times of year during which I feel content to be alive. While all the other "adults" I know are stressing themselves over family gatherings and gift shopping, I find myself unbelievably tranquil. Why? Because I'm a penniless student, and therefore no one expects anything of me. In fact, they feel obligated to ply me with charity. Bwahaha!

What? Shouldn't my presence be gift enough?

However, charity is not without its shortcomings. Usually the benefactor just goes out and buys me whatever they think I need (say, psychiatric care - I'm not making this up) and not what I really WANT (say, whiskey, or a new corset). Fools.

So I've come up with a fantasy wish list, primarily for my own amusement, but also with the faint hope that my desires will therefore worm their way into the collective unconscious - and later, perhaps, my possesion.

1. Nihilist gum. This item is self-explanitory. And lord knows I love little more than wearing misanthropy on my goddamned sleeve. Or shoe. Or wine glass, or wherever the wad winds up when I've tired of it.

2. Huge angel wings. Why? Because they're just too fucking cool. I'd never really have a place to wear them (except maybe the Ren Faire), not to mention the fact that they're almost as tall as I am, but damn they'd make for some grand entrances. And no, I don't want them in black, smartass. I want them in white.

3. Liquid latex.I've never actually worn the stuff, but I'd sure as hell like to try it out. And then go clubbing. Brings a new meaning to the phrase "barely legal."

4. A hood piercing. Because if people won't respect me for my intellect, at least they'll be able to respect my tolerance for clitoral discomfort.

5. A Jennings gag. You can't have a proper medical fetish set up with out at least one scary method of prying someone's mouth open, and keeping it that way.

6. Medical leg braces. See number five, and take it from there.

That's all I can really bare to come up with right now without getting depressed over my lack of affluence. I need a distraction. Thank god for adult swim.


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