Monday, January 29, 2007
or
Thank God I Own A Wig
In the depths of my depression, I made the typical compensation of drastically altering my hair color. My target hue: platinum blonde. Don't ask me why blonde, why now. Probably because it's the one shade I've never attempted to achieve, whether natural, unnatural, or otherwise. (Does anyone remember black-light reactive rainbow striped?)
Well, I fucked it up. 29745 applications (approximately) of built-up dayglo pigment turned all manner of crappy orange/mauve when I tried to remove them with bleach. So I double processed. Barbie pink resulted. So I processed a little more.
I finished with a head full of spider's silk the color of wilted lettuce. There's a few blue spots in there too. Don't ask.
FUCK. I'd post a pic, but I'm too ashamed.
My hair has never EVER looked this bad before. EVER. EV. ER. This is a major crisis for someone whose self-concept revolves around coiffure. My strands are so fucking damaged, I'll be lucky if they survive a good brushing, much less another color treatment. Fuck, fuck, FUCK!
In a fit of desperation, I popped over to Sally Beauty Supply and picked up three deep conditioners - a hot oil treatment, henna and placenta, and one named "Last Call: for battered and abused hair." I'd never tried the last one, but the package spoke to me. I also grabbed a package of L'oreal colorzap. It's supposed to remove artificial pigment without damaging hair (much) further. They say it's good for funky undertones and stuff.
I've got the "Last Call" on my head right now, under a plastic cap to keep it moist. Depending on what I end up with after rinsing, I'll either break out the colorzap, or put another treatment on. Probably the hot oil. Once the color zap has done its thing, I'll see what I end up with. If it's ugly yellow, I'll have to go back to Sally's and get some fucking toner, mix it with some diet coke, and drink a toast to the end of the world.
FUUUUUUCK.
UPDATE:
Although the color stripper didn't work for shit on my funky bleach job, I still managed to find a way out of hell. Red glaze. You know, the stuff I usually put on my flame red hair to keep the color in longer and make it shiny? Believe it or not, it actually turned my hair BLONDE. Champagne blonde. It erased the green tones, turned the blue to honey brown, and added some cute reddish tints to the white/lemon yellow. Seriously. It's not the cool platinum I originally wanted, but fuck it! I can dick with that later!
Finally, I have the courage to post a picture.
